As humans, we grow, change and adapt to new things in life. I originally started this blog to get more practice with writing and to help myself express more positive thoughts. I’ve always been positive in the sense that I’m confident enough in myself to work through my problems in life. No matter what happens, I know I’ll eventually adapt and overcome. I’ve had too much training, physically and mentally, to not do just that. But I have never been great at spreading those positive thoughts and emotions.
I’m hard on myself, with nearly everything I do. I don’t compete with others, but I’m constantly challenging myself. Constantly trying to become a better version of myself. I find a lot of others don’t do that. Which is one reason it’s hard for me to try and motivate someone. In the Army, if I needed to motivate a younger soldier, I used fierce ways. I tried to break them down until they realized that they were strong enough to withstand and overcome their problems. It’s how I was brought up. I was torn down, made to understand that I was stronger than I knew. I realized quickly that though I may feel broken and like I can’t go on, if I’m still alive, I’m still fighting.
So with this blog, I struggled after the first post to find new positive topics. To all of you who blog as a profession, or even on a regular basis, I applaud you. This is hard work. Finding a new topic and the words to fill the void of an empty post, that takes effort and confidence. I quickly found that I was trying to build a blog around words that I didn’t fully understand how to portray. I can’t spread a positive message and tell you that if you believe in yourself you’ll accomplish all your goals. That’s simply not the case. Life takes a lot of fucking work and effort to be successful.
So in short, if I do write from now on, I’m going to write my thoughts, whatever they may be. Though I say it’s hard to spread a positive message, I still am not the bitter boy I used to be. I enjoyed writing long, heartfelt, angry posts when I was younger. I had a knack with expressing anger in words. Telling people why they’re fucked up and what they need to fix to change their lives around. I don’t have those bitter emotions anymore, either. Maybe that’s because I’ve limited my social media intake. I used to spend hours scrolling through Facebook. Seeing post after post of idiocy that made my blood boil. I’d see of enough of it and be prepared to write an article that I believed would change the worlds mind and force us to all be kind and accepting of one another.
I now know that will never happen. Possibly that’s where I lost some of my passion for this blog. Maybe that’s why it’s taken me almost a year to write again; because I know I don’t have a following and my words will fall into the abyss of forgotten and undiscovered websites that fill the vast lands of the internet.
Whatever the case. For the 30 or so of who still follow me after all this time, whether you just forgot to delete me or you actually had a bit of liking for my writings; I’ll try and put some more words down with this keyboard. I hope you’re all doing well and accomplishing things you want to in life.